A Year in Review...

Yes, it's true. I know..I can't even believe it myself. It's been one WHOLE year since I exposed my naked bottom to a room full of strangers to have this crazy contraption implanted.

And while I'm all for exposing one's bottom to a room full of strangers, I'm happy to avoid doing so if it also means I can continue to avoid any circumstance requiring a revision surgery (just a note to those of you going in for surgery at any point in the near future: your naked bottom will not be exposed. A motherly nurse will take the time to drape and cover your bits-n-pieces and no untoward remarks will be made. I hope.).

I digress. In honor of my 1-year stimulator anniversary, my husband bought me a wee present (which can be aptly described as stimulating). I suppose I could insert a sexual innuendo about stimulation here, but I won't debase myself (I leave that for Friday nights). Anyway, DH bought me (drum-roll...) a Keurig coffee maker. I don't know what it is about this wacky little pod machine that makes me so happy. I feel like my very own Barrista...except with a less chipper attitude and a frumpier hair-style.

So after having lived with my stimulator for a year, I've noticed the two questions I'm most frequently asked are: 1) is it working/does it help? and 2) are you happy you had the surgery?

The answer to both questions is yes. However, I think it's important for me to point out that my version of the answer to "is it working?" is likely to be different than another patient's. This is simply because every patient has different expectations. I didn't go into this thing thinking that it would cure my pain (I didn't even hope). It hasn't "cured" my pain and that's ok because I didn't expect it to. But it does help and it helps enough. Of course, it's extremely difficult to quantify just how much it's helping but, if I were forced to give an answer, I'd say on very good days, it alleviates about 40% of my pain. But those days are rare. On most days, I'd say it helps with about 30%. On bad "flare" days, it seems to be a lot less.

Even though it hasn't eliminated my pain, I'm nonetheless very glad I decided to go forward with the implant. A 30-40% reduction in pain was worth it to me. For another patient, that number may not be enough given the attendant risks. It's a very personal, patient-specific decision.

Before I sign off, I wanted to send a virtual hug (I know, I'm cheesy) to reader Lizi, who just had her revision surgery on Feb. 3rd. I hope you are healing well, my dear (not only am I cheesy but I guess I am now morphing into someone's nana). Also, Mr. B thought this picture of himself as a bitty puppy would cheer you up and help you in your recovery...

Word to the wise...

DH and I finally took down the Christmas tree. It was sad but considering it was dangerously close to becoming a fire hazard, it was time. Unfortunately, all of the ornament wrapping and needle sweeping worked the Pain Gremmie into a nasty frenzy. On top of that, I got it in my beady head to paint my toe-nails. Do I ever learn? (don't answer that). Apparently, my toes decided it was vitally important to sport a fresh coat of polish before seeing my acupuncturist the following morning (in fairness to my toes, it was pretty important...).

Anyway, I had my stimulator turned up high to address said nasty pain (for me "high" is an amplitude of about 5.7-6.0 but, of course, what's considered "high" is patient-dependent). However, I made a total rookie mistake when forgetting to power down the amplitude before turning off the pulse generator. This meant that when I turned it back on, I almost peed my pants from the strength of the stimulation I experienced. Lucky for me, this all happened when I was in a waiting room full of patients at the acupuncturist's office (would you expect anything less?). I let out a yelp the likes of which earned me a number of inquiring glances but I was too busy furiously punching in a more comfortable setting to really care (that's actually not true..I was embarrassed to the point that I high-tailed it out of there).

For those of you who may not know, the body experiences sensory adaptation with neurostimulation. What a patient can handle when first turning on the stimulator is usually much less than what he or she can handle after hours of stimulation.

So, the purpose of this post is to counsel those of you who are about to have a stimulator implanted or who have recently had one implanted. Do yourself a HUGE favor and remember to power down the system before turning it off (particularly when set to a high amplitude). Believe me, you'll thank me for it.

And that's my advice for the day. Now here's a picture of some kick-ass blue eggs I recently discovered at the grocery store. I've decided that, when I grow up, I want a pet chicken that can lay blue eggs....

Resolution Solution...

I have all sorts of resolutions for the New Year. At the top of the list is updating this blog more frequently and creating a daily routine that I actually stick to. Then there's the one about being nicer to telemarketers (not that I'm not nice already but I could stand to be nicer..I mean they are people too). Then there's going to bed earlier, eating more beans, and being better organized with my medications.

Many of you already know that I'm a complete mess when it comes to my medications. I happened to mention this little fact to DH's auntie about a year ago and I think she took it as a personal affront (bless her heart). Since then, she's come up with a number of "systems" to help me get organized. I think this latest one might actually work. As you can see, each day is color coordinated and there's an AM and a PM and each little case is portable and the text is in a ridiculously large, clownish font.

If this doesn't help me then I really don't know what will...

Update: for those of you interested in purchasing one of these sweet pill organizers for yourself..Amazon sells them for $8.12.

Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/Apex-Pocket-Med-Pack-Tray/dp/B000EGN1A6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1262998871&sr=8-1

Acupunctured!

So I started acupuncture recently. I tried it years ago but stopped after awhile when it wasn't cutting the mustard. Unfortunately at that time, I had a crap-fest doctor who didn't believe in pain medication (ironic, since she was a pain management doctor) and well, anyway, it was difficult for me to get into the acupuncture "zone" when I could barely get out of bed. Now that my pain is better controlled (and I've long since left that doctor in the dust), I decided to go back to acupuncture. It also didn't hurt that I was given a coupon for two free sessions at a local acupuncture center. I'm a sucker for free stuff.

When my clinician took me into the examining room, I handed her my intake forms, told her that I was "special" and said that I hoped she was feeling confident (aren't I mean?). She chortled a bit and gave me this knowing look and announced that "all her patients are special." I just nodded and smiled (but was totally thinking, "ya, but are all your patients freaking bionic?"). She looked at my intake forms and it wasn't long before she got all googly eyed and announced "wow..you really are special!" I tried not to be smug (it was difficult).

We reviewed my medical history and I showed her my incisions and how the stimulator works and we went over all the areas that should not be acupunctured (nothing over the battery and cable and no points on the spine). After that, I turned off my stim. and hopped onto the examining table (let's just pretend that I'm spry and that I can actually hop onto tables).

The doctor put about 12 needles in various parts of my body (including my scalp,fingers and right between my eyebrows). I can't say that the needle placement is painless but it's no more than a wee pinch.

Then came the Moxibustion (I'm totally down with the lingo). Moxa is the same thing as mugwort and acupuncturists use it in a few different forms. It comes in something called a Moxa pole (the thing that looks like a doobie pictured above in Gremmie's hand) and in a moss and cone form. Moxa poles are lit and allowed to burn slowly a few inches above the patient's skin, providing warmth to the area. Moxa cones are placed on the patient's skin (usually with a thin barrier in between) and the moss form is rolled up and placed directly on an acupuncture needle. When the Moxa is lit, it releases heat which seeps down into needle (or through the barrier if it's in cone form) and radiates into the body. It's pretty much divine. The only "thing" about Moxa is that it smells suspiciously like pot. I've been using a Moxa pole at home and I think it's about time I go tell my downstairs neighbors that I haven't turned into a stoner. I fear judgment.

Anyway, I've had three treatments thus far and, while it's still early, I have noticed that I've been sleeping better and I've had a little more energy. My pain levels have been shite the past few weeks (am dealing with a flare at present) but I have noticed that when I leave acupuncture, I feel better than when I arrived. Not half bad.

Well, that's my little update for now.

Vacation all I ever wanted....

I'm happy to report that DH and I had a wonderful time in Mexico! Not only did we not contract swine flu, but we also had no problem at the airport with the stimulator. I was expecting to set off alarms and cause an airport lock-down but nothing of the sort occurred. In truth, it was horribly disappointing. I ended up feeling a little pathetic after walking through the metal detector with nary a beep. I thought, at the very least, I'd be taken aside by a handsome airport official in tight pants for the special run-down with the hand-held detector. In reality, I was waved on by a not-so-cute airport official in ill-fitting pants..and I didn't even have to show my Medtronic card (even though I had been holding it in my sweaty palm for 20 minutes prior in anticipation of aforementioned lock-down).

The plane rides were made more palatable with the stimulator. That's not to say I was comfortable but, compared to the last time I flew (pre-stimulator), this time was much better. When the pilot notified passengers to turn off all battery-operated devices, I was ready to turn off my stim. (because I'm a good little doobie who follows rules). But,DH stopped me with a stern look and pointed out that passengers with pacemakers don't just turn off their devices. So, it stayed on (without incident) and between the stimulator, extra morphine, and the distraction of the window seat, I kept the pain gremlin in check.
Once we arrived in Mexico, my body was greatly soothed by the warm temperatures. After living for so long in a very cranky and fickle weather zone (where the barometric pressure suffers from constant PMS), I forget how much better I feel when the weather is temperate. After a few hours in balmy Mexico, I was feeling pretty darn good and my pain gremlin (hereinafter known as "Gremmie") was ready for a pina colada.

I also felt like a little whipper-snapper again because DH and I went snorkeling every day. I never swim in the ocean because 1. Jaws and 2.the water where my parents live is F-you cold. Two seconds in that water, and my muscles tense up and Gremmie is whipped into a nasty, nerve-pained frenzy. No thank you. But, here, I had no problems with muscle spasms because the sea water was pretty much the temperature of a cozy bath. DH and I morphed into Snorks and we saw tons of brightly colored fish, a really cute sea turtle and an amazing sting-ray (and no sharks).

So, it was a wonderful and much-needed vacation. The traveling was pretty fatiguing and I've had to recover a bit from that..but it made turning 30 totally worth it. I might just have to turn 30 again next year....

30 is the new.....

Well, it's official. I'm no longer in my twenties. Yes..it's true..I just turned (sniff) 30.

Gosh darn it..this means I'm gonna have to change the description of me being a "twenty-something" in my blog banner. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Of course, when my mother was less than thrilled about turning 60, I bombarded her with cliche pep-talks about age just being a number.

I've since told myself to take that crap advice and shove it.

Fortunately, my friends and family have plied me with so much cake that I've been in a sugar coma for two weeks and haven't had time to pout.

And then there was this little ditty that my nephew drew for me as a special birthday present. That's the two of us picking apples. Note the fact that we look like Wookies and he forgot to draw himself ears. Can you understand why this has quickly become one of my most treasured possessions?

And (drum-roll) DH and I are going to Mexico on Friday! Wahoo! Come to think of it, this turning 30 thing isn't half bad.

So this trip will mark my first experience traveling with the stimulator. I have my handy dandy Medtronic card that states I have a medical device but I'm still slightly anxious about getting through security- particularly on the Mexico side. I can already see it...I'm holding up a long line of hot and frazzled passengers while trying to fish out my Medtronic card and explain the implant in halted, awkward sentences to less-than-enthused airport security officials.

I'm already sweating.

I need cake.

Then there's the wee issue of the narcotics I'll be transporting into the country (I know that by using the word "transporting" it makes me seem like a drug dealer and that's exactly what I'm going for).

Anyway, I've polled a number of chronic pain patients who've traveled to foreign countries with controlled substances and none of them have had problems. The consensus is to keep them in their prescription bottles, keep them in a carry-on and (to be extra safe) get a doctor's note. Believe it or not, I was actually organized enough to get a doctor's note (sometimes, I surprise myself).

I'm also really curious to see if the stimulator helps make the long flight more palatable. When DH and I flew to Hawaii for our honeymoon, I was in monstrous pain (even when we broke the flight up into two shorter flights). I'm crossing my fingers that this time will at least be a little better.

So if I don't post again tomorrow (which is highly likely), I'll let all of you know how the traveling worked out when I return!

(Photo Credits: Pic. of that awesome sparkling bday cake taken by JustShal photography)

It's Me!

Yes, I know. Despite all of the "I'm Back!" fanfare from August 6th (with a pretty awesome accompanying shot of taffy), it turns out that I wasn't actually back. Instead, I was extraordinarily busy doing a whole lot of nothing and all of that took up a serious amount of time. That's my lame excuse.

In general I'm feeling alright these days..though I did have a bit of a nas-tay flare-up last week. I had a deadline for work and (in true Danimal fashion) I procrastinated as much as I possibly could. This was a very bad idea as it resulted in me having to sit for hours at a time in my 10 year old office chair with an obscene amount of stimulation coursing through my legs and a nasty scowl on my face (which was followed by a few days of shuffle-walking and extreme annoyance at Mr. B when he pulled me across the street to sniff through my neighbor's garbage). Luckily after a few days of extra pain meds. and some aspirin, I'm feeling better.

Ok.. that's my short update (for now). Mr. B says "hi!"

PS-I'm so happy to see that a few new members have joined the site...thanks for visiting!

I'm Back!

Sorry for the longer than expected hiatus. I'm just coming out of a taffy-induced sugar coma. My diet on this vacation was piss poor. I subsisted mostly on pastries, taffy and boardwalk lemonade. It was fantastic.

Now I'm back from vacation and have no excuse not to resume eating well. Though, I do confess to waking at 1am this morning to the siren song of the taffy sitting on our kitchen counter (wherein said taffy was transported into the bathroom for 15 minutes of ravishing). You'd understand if you'd actually tasted this stuff (and, yes, I do think the fact that I eat my midnight snacks in the bathroom is quite odd and, no, I do not know why I persist in this questionable habit).

Anyway, I was happy with how I felt this vacation considering the long car rides involved. I can honestly say that car rides have become much more palatable since having the stimulator implanted. They still aren't "fun" but they are much better than pre-stimulator.

I did experience some nasty pain when I went to church with the in-laws this past Sunday. I forgot to bring a pillow for my back and when I sat against the pew, the edge dug into my incision. I unleashed a stream of expletives (though only in my head, lest I be smoted) and spent the rest of mass hunched over-Quasimodo-style . I'm adding "purposefully uncomfortable seating" to my list of grievances with the Catholic church.

Well, that's my update for now. But before I sign off, here's a picture of one of my favorite August flowers (which Mr. B and I spied on our afternoon walk...).


Alright, here's a second pic. I should note that I hid in the bushes to take these pictures as I didn't want my neighbors to mistake me for a flower stalker (which I most clearly am..).

Quick Hello...

I just wanted to type a quick hello to say I'm still around! DH and I are on vacation at his grand-parents' shore house and, until today, the internet here consisted of going into a corner of the house and..ahem...relying on neighbors (if you will). Not that I countenance that sort of thing. Fortunately, a wireless router was purchased and now..here I am! I'm hoping to update tomorrow but now it's time for sleepy!